During our mediation, I volunteered Christmas to him and in trade took New Year’s celebration with our girls. I have no childhood memories of Christmas and only started “celebrating” it after my marriage. It was his ornaments that hung on our tree. But, as years went by, I began to collect sentimental pieces of art created by my girls, gifts from friends, and special tokens from places that I visited to decorate our tree.
My plans for Christmas 2018 was simple: wine, pecan pie with an entire carton of ice cream, and some classic family movies that would surely induce countless hours of self-pity and tears as I made a mental list of all the ways life has cheated me.
But my plans were interrupted, thankfully if I may add, with an invitation to sail across the British Virgin Islands for 8 days on a private catamaran. So I went on an adventure of a lifetime. From purchasing a swimsuit in winter to getting my vacation approved, I was ready to get the heck out of town.
There were many things that I fell in love with on the sea. The beautiful sunsets and sunrises, the clear blue water, delicious meals, and just looking out into nothing and realizing that I am merely a drop in the ocean. However, there was one thing in particular that I noticed on the wrist of our captain: a hook bracelet. I knew that I wanted to bring it back home.
I remember asking him about the bracelet and he told me that as legend has it, wives of seafaring men would fashion a bracelet from their husbands’ fishing hooks to show their commitment while the men were at sea. You wear the hook facing towards you if you are “taken” and outward if you are seeking love. It was an old Crucian tradition.
On one of our island excursions, I purchased a hook bracelet. And still today it remains on my wrist with the hook facing out.
A few months back, I was in Atlanta at a funders gathering when a woman approached me and said, “I know that bracelet and its legend.” It was a great conversation starter. As we talked, I told her that I made my own interpretation.
I told her that I keep my hook facing outward not because I am looking for romantic love. But because I am available to receive love; any and all forms of love. I have spent most of my life being closed off, but that beautiful day in St. Francis Bay, St. John Island I made a promise to myself to not just give but be open to receive.
As I look back at 2019, I have not just attended church services but sat alone in silence, open to receiving God’s love. I have accepted more than I gave. And in return, it made me more capable of giving. Each time I look at my wrist, my inner voice reminds me to be open to possibilities.
I can’t wait to receive the love that awaits me in 2020.
