When the camera pans out over the audience at the Academy Awards, we, the television viewers, see a crowd of smiling faces in fancy gowns and tuxedos staring back at us. But the image of this crowd is an illusion. Many of those faces are actually those of “seat fillers”, regular people who are granted the opportunity to sit next to the stars when the stars vacate their seats during commercial breaks to present awards, to perform, or whatever.
I wonder why empty seats makes us uncomfortable. Does it represent some sort of shortcomings in our lives; do we feel less liked? But more importantly, what are we willing to sacrifice to have all the seats filled in our lives?
When I was searching for my new breakfast room table set, I kept telling myself that I didn’t want a “traditional” four seater table set. I didn’t want to keep looking at the empty chair and have it constantly remind me that our family wasn’t complete. So I got creative and found a way to make a table for three.
Recently, I have been thinking a lot about perfect families especially those with all filled seats at the table. As I look back at my life, I can’t help but identify the times, knowingly or unknowingly, that I served as a “seat filler”.
I was the son that my parents never had and the spouse that my ex never really wanted to marry. But our family pictures looked complete and all of seats at our dinner table were filled. We looked “perfect” but it too was an illusion.
I struggle to explain to my daughters that so much of life isn’t always about what we see. There are missing pieces in every family; there are scars and regrets that pictures cannot capture. To assume that everyone’s life is “perfect” is to constantly feel that yours is not. Perhaps perfectionism is the ultimate illusion.
I now see our family of three as complete. It is complete with or without any empty seats. It is complete because unconditional love and bonds exist between me and my daughters. I no longer wish to be a “seat filler” in any relationship. I only want to fill the the emptiness inside my soul and feel complete.
However, I wouldn’t turn down the opportunity to be a seat filler at the Oscars.
However, I wouldn’t turn down the opportunity to be a seat filler at the Oscars.
